OGR unit 1 P2.pdf by TRMsLiksa
OGR 07/11/2013Hey Lisa,Okay - first impression is that, unfortunately, all of this is still too generic; now, partly that is down to the inescapable fact that when you get 'Martian' and 'King', you end up in a territory we've all pretty much seen before. Don't misunderstand me - it's not that your backstory is rubbish or that your character design is so disinteresting, I'm killing it off. Rather, I'm in the not always popular position of being the guy with the responsibility to prod students into more challenging territories - or at least to ensure students have eaten widely from the old 'research buffet' before deciding on their main course. The problem with your story is that it could actually be happening anywhere on any planet or in any civilisation; it's not actually deriving any real or integral element from the 'Mars' bit - and this is why your story and characters are generic; they would fit anywhere - and that's a sure sign that they're lacking identities of their own.Let's begin with 'Martian' - which derives from Mars. I don't know how much research you've actually done into Mars, so forgive me if I'm returning you to areas already covered, but here goes - did you know, for example, that Mars is the God of War?http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_(mythology) You should really READ all of this stuff - full of jumping off points re. 'The King of War'.The idea that your Martian King is a Military Ruler creates all kinds of possibilities in terms of his 'secret lair' - for example, looking at the idea of 'the war room' for example; a 'war room' is the inner-sanctum from which military leaders plot their battles: some examples:http://images.wikia.com/masseffect/images/3/33/ME3_War_Room.pnghttp://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20080218034135/starwars/images/6/67/Warroom2.JPGhttp://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110204024642/dcuo/images/a/a6/WatchtowerWarRoom.jpghttp://cinema-scope.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/warroom.jpgPersonally, the idea of the hero prop as a 'sword' is a bit, well *yawn* - particularly for you as a designer - I mean, how many ways are there to design a sword? It's a pointy thing with a fancy handle! This is a MARTIAN king - and as you rightly observe, where's the certainty that he/it is even humanoid with hands at all? One of the most famous depictions of martians is found in HG Well's The War of the Worlds, in which they're described thus:'the head of the thing, was rounded, and had, one might say, a face. There was a mouth under the eyes, the lipless brim of which quivered and panted, and dropped saliva. The whole creature heaved and pulsated convulsively...'These martians are basically soft-tissue sacs, like squids, who in the novel build themselves robotic machines for walking about on; you could, for example, imagine that your 'martian king' was one of HG Wells' martians planning another attack on planet earth from his 'war room' - this would mean a different methodology for you; using an existing text, going beyond it, and extending the logic of Wells universe; this, again, would be about 1000 times less 'generic' than your current plot line - which is just a bit 'blah blah blah' - it would mean designing a secret lair for a non-humanoid creature - and all the production design challenges so implied. In short, it would give you more to do, more to think about and more to design - likewise for the hero prop. I'd like you to reboot, Lisa - in short, go back to MARS and research the hell out of it as a concept - I promise there are more intriguing approaches therein - happy hunting!
For your new idea how about your character gathers an army and attacks Saturn for its ring, as a power source power source, mars is the planet sybolising god of war, they say "God" gave saturn it's ring as in wed lock.. Could be that mars (god of war) was jealous, so you could do a war room, for the ring of Saturn :) xx